There’s a lot to say about silence.
I'm wondering if other people do this too... but before I get to it, some backstory--
So, I used to be that person that wouldn't bother God with my trivial stuff. I always felt like He had too much on his plate already. It was weird to me, in my true softball days, that some teams would pray beforehand. You know, He's got the homeless, dying kids, wars, etc., to deal with. I just didn't see it.
After hitting a pretty huge plot twist in my life a few years ago, I was reminded that God could take that load off my shoulders. "Oh yeah!" I almost FORGOT about talking to Him, aside from the usual "Please watch over my family, etc." that I do everyday. I immediately felt lighter. Holy... I don't have to do this myself. Sometimes we forget that.
Isn't it crazy? I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic private school for eight years, church... all the stuff. And I had to be reminded. I had to be told that God wants in on EVERYTHING. Even the silly stuff. He wants to be my best friend and have that continuous conversation. And only then, when it becomes a part of you, when it's habitual, will you never "forget" again. And you will never be alone, either.
This is my issue---
I've grown accustomed to praying so much- especially in the beginning when that plot twist was too strong for me, it was like every five minutes when I felt I had no control over my thoughts. There was obsessive worry about a loved one, and I couldn't get a hold on mindfulness just yet. Everything has calmed down since, with a lot of work, but I pray so much now- just shooting up a quick sentence here and there- that I have to remind myself not to pray when I'm on the toilet (especially #2, am I right?). It's always when I'm peeing. Potty Prayer. I don't know what it is. Is it because I have a few minutes of quiet? When I'm not multitasking a million things? My mind drifts, does it's wandering, and I catch myself shooting up a prayer over whatever it drifts to. I have to tell myself, "Do not pray when you're peeing." I apologize then. This can wait.
By the way, I still play softball. And I do pray. Not to win or anything ridiculous like that, but to not get hurt, basically. Every 300 pound man that gets up while I'm playing 3rd or 2nd-- you bet your ass I'm praying that a line drive doesn't hit a rock and hit my temple or something. (That movie Simon Birch comes to mind a lot). I'm not as fearless as I once was. I try to grow into the youth that I once was. It doesn't always work. Things are different when you get older. I have to work tomorrow. This is a beer league. So, yeah, I pray on the field now.
Better than on the toilet.
Have a Silly Monday,
It's snowing again. After a few days of semi-springlike weather, we have been bamboozled once again. I always said that if it's going to be frigid, it could at least be pretty. Covered in a blanket of white snow until it actually warms up.
But, right now...
I'm tired of terrified driving. To and from work, I count where there should be guardrails but aren’t. There’s about 50 death traps if I hit ice, or anyone around me is an idiot. Talk about building a wall- let’s build THOSE walls.
I also believe that if it’s too scary for kids to go to school, we don’t go to work. Adult Lives Matter! We should be in an era where we can work remotely in blizzard situations. I believe we have the technology. Why aren't more companies doing this?
My neighbors have already pulled me out of my driveway twice in about a two week span. I now have to add beer money for them to my winter budget.
It's not my car. It's my dad's. I'm learning it's diva qualities. I hope my car is ready soon.
I guess that's one cool thing about winter- it always brings your community together a bit more. Everyone is out there shoveling and gruffing... It unites us a bit. Unity in the suck. But, it sure is pretty.
I get a celebratory shoveling when I finally get home tonight. After a glass of wine...
Silly Monday to you,
Christmas is a huge deal in my family. Growing up, I would help my mom decorate the house, which was not as dangerous, or as funny, as helping my dad put up the lights.
Tangles, nails, ladders, non-working bulbs, freezing your ass off... It was all good fun. It was all a part of it. I even acquired his sound effects while working. We both make that airplane sound with our lips when concentrating on some chore. I don't know why. "I learned it from watching you, Dad!" We both had a lot of laughs, mostly at things that were thrown at us. Laughing at small frustrations is good practice for keeping your humor for the big frustrations in life.
One year, I was exchanging the porch light and the garage lights for Christmassy ones. I put in the red light on the porch and my dad looks over and says, "I live with three women-- we cannot have a red light on the porch! Uh uh. Use the green ones!" Good point. Our neighbors heard that. I think that’s why they all liked us. We always gave them a good chuckle.
No red-light district in Livonia, Michigan...
Another year, I don't remember what we were doing but something was terribly wrong with the lights/cords/etc, and I suggested an alternative that was probably a half-ass solution due to lack of motivation, and he joked very quietly, "We don't want everyone knowing we're stupid..." ;) (You can see that I got the ability to laugh at myself and this abnormal sense of confidence from my dad.)
Things are a bit different now that I am older and I have a house of my own. I am solo on the lighting detail. I have one of those projectors that shine red and green dots all over my house. Done. Lovely. Time for a cocktail. Seriously, a brilliant invention for lazy ones who still want to be festive, and also for single gals who still don’t own a ladder... BUT!! It took me a while to figure out that my house has no outside outlets. I gave it a couple laps around the house. My neighbors were watching. Then, the extension cord was, of course, a big fat mess. De-tangling is not in my wheelhouse of patience. It is my dad's. He loves that shit. Says it's "calming". Crazy. My neighbors got a bunch of expletives during their dinner. It would have been funny had my dad been with me. He’s two hours away, so we are both on our own now for the holiday fuss. Now... this shit sucks. Imagine a toddler shaking something up and down and then throwing it down in frustration. That was me.
This morning, in the light of day, I saw the jumble that I left the extension cord in, and also noticed the mail lady's footsteps in the snow from days before... right through that mess. This is the first day it's been there. I hope she's looking where she's walking today- might I add, through my lawn instead of using the sidewalks and steps that I have to keep clear and salted for her... I really do have to fix it, though. Hope it's not too late. Ahh, she hates me anyway. (If you need a reminder, this is just one reason: https://www.hangingonbysillystring.com/blog/not-today-sucka )
Enjoy the chaos. There is always beauty in the chaos.
Have a Silly Monday and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
May the magic of the season bring out the little kid in you.
....Speaking of getting older, I pulled a muscle in my neck yawning.
My face afterward was probably pretty funny. "Did that actually just happen?"
I've been having a hard time with the acceptance of getting older.
It comes in bits.
When you look in the mirror and say, "That can't be right..."
Also, when you are invited to a Halloween party and the theme is pop culture... I have no idea what pop culture is in 2017. So old. All I got was "Look What You Made Me Do", Taylor Swift. That idea is the top one on The Google for Halloween ideas, so that's out. I got nothin'.
I realized in volleyball this past week that I truly am the oldest I have ever been. I am just going to get older, too! I know. Crazy, right? I thought I was invincible- like it just wouldn't happen to me... until I was about fifty or sixty. Not so. I have never felt that I aged a decade between volleyball seasons, except for this time. While I used to dive for digs and at least get to the ball, the movement of the ball didn't even register in my mind until it hit the floor. Now, if it's too far and I deem it to be unattainable, I just say, "That's a good serve", while I stay in the exact same spot. We had a laugh about our hearing this time. Someone heard "appendix" out of no where, so now that's what we yell when we can't hear or when anyone gets confused. Also, "side effects" was mistaken for something, meaning we are all on medications already, pretty much.
At least laughing about it will always help. Aging is inevitable, difficult- more so when you see it in your family members... but it is also pretty funny. Humbling.
I'm so damn tired. It's Monday morning and I already want to take a nap. Remember the "student nap pose"- resting your head on your hand, to make it look like you were reading? Yeah, that was my favorite. I may pull that off today at work. However, with this trick, you really need to be mindful of the vicious head bob that gives you away. And it also scares the shit out of you.
When has the awareness of your own aging hit you? Leave it in the comments below!
Have a Silly Monday,